Fighting Back

Alright, enough of this silence.  I have been battling with numerous frustrations about blogging.  First of all, my sourdough came out horribly.  I ended up making 2 orangish-brownish very oddly smelling hockey pucks instead of 2 fluffy, crusty, flavorful white loaves.  So that gave me little motivation to update about how they turned out after that.  But I'm starting again.  I took the starter I started, and now currently 'refreshed' it per the instructions out of my Cook's cookbook 'bible' and going to try it a different way now.  It's already got lots of bubbles and looks very happy, unlike the first starter I started which was just very thin looking pancake batter with no bubbles.  I'm hoping very much that my loaves will turn out much nicer, because I want to give one to my mom, which was my intention in the first place as a Mother's Day gift, and possibly give one as well to my cousin and husband as a 'baby welcoming party' present in a few weeks.  I'll keep you posted, promise.

My other frustration--ever since Jen got me connected with 4 other ladies in a 'small group' for connecting and writing, I've been constantly comparing my blog to theirs, what I say, what they post, what we have in common/what we don't, etc.  Oh and I'm so good at it too!  I'm 32 years old, married, no kids yet, work full time on my feet, DO NOT own a copy of Anne Voskamp's book (and may not ever just because I have to many other books I need to read first), don't have an extra 8 hours to blog every day...don't type in a special "Christian-nese" that every one else speaks...don't...can't...oh shut up already. I emailed my frustrations to Jennifer.  She tells me I have to fight back and that's what I'm doing. 

So here I am fighting back and typing like a mad woman because I'm tired of not feeding my creativity and passion for writing just because I'm screaming "If I read one more stinkin' thing about "One Thousand Things"!!  It's with SO many other things, my love for working in the dirt, in our yard, with my very happy and flourishing veggie/fruit/herb container garden, mowing the lawn even.  Organizing, cleaning, creating new things to display in our house, a picture frame, a piece of furniture, a painted wall, a well-scrubbed driveway almost 80% free of moss.  Sweating--working out, moving my body, doing a Biggest loser DVD workout, with yoga, cardio and dancing! I love it! How about spending GOOD quality time with my husband, I mean like actual conversations about deep, meaningful, spiritual stuff.  Not just common surfacy, shallow stuff.  Give me some meat.

There's getting our finances together, paying off our debts, staying disciplined. And church...oh church.  You could call us 'regulars if being regular is attending ever 2-3 weeks.  We are very regular with that.  What about every Sunday, that would be awesome.  And reading my bible, which I don't do on a daily basis and never have really.  I started reading through Ephesians, and Philippians and there's SO much good stuff...I want do a post just on all the favorite verses so far that I've read, too many to choose from! 

There's so many things that we fight for and so many things we give into.  Our flesh, the easy way out, laziness, selfishness, 'I'll get to it tomorrow/next weekend/next year' kind of thinking.  You know the wonderful rush of adrenaline, fulfillment of being satisfied, your soul is singing praises of thankfulness for getting a job/project/task done that's been gnawing at you for a very long time. You know that feeling I'm talking about and it's so wonderful.  I want more of that all the time.  You feel like you're seriously thriving, and not just getting by and pushing and wading through the mucky waters of life.  The enemy doesn't like it when you're thriving, he wants you to stay stuck, keep believing his lies and continue to muck around. The devil is winning and I'm tired of it. 

I want start to seriously saying yes to more life-giving, edifying, spiritually heavy and healthy things and no to stupid satan.  Every time I get a negative thought, idea or lie I'm going to knock it down with the truths that I know.  Before my married days, I was dealing with a very yucky secret that I tried battling on my own without much help from anyone else and failed until God took hold of me.  I had a index card taped to my computer monitor that I had written in marker "Note to self: Do not forget the following, I'm a woman of worth, a child of God, a woman of value, and I deserve the BEST ALWAYS!"  Reading that worked, most of the time, but other times I ignored it.  I want to stop ignoring what I know to be true and what is right and start fighting back. 

How about you?

2 Corinthians 10:3-6
"The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity." The Message

Still fighting back with these sisters...