Fighting Back

Alright, enough of this silence.  I have been battling with numerous frustrations about blogging.  First of all, my sourdough came out horribly.  I ended up making 2 orangish-brownish very oddly smelling hockey pucks instead of 2 fluffy, crusty, flavorful white loaves.  So that gave me little motivation to update about how they turned out after that.  But I'm starting again.  I took the starter I started, and now currently 'refreshed' it per the instructions out of my Cook's cookbook 'bible' and going to try it a different way now.  It's already got lots of bubbles and looks very happy, unlike the first starter I started which was just very thin looking pancake batter with no bubbles.  I'm hoping very much that my loaves will turn out much nicer, because I want to give one to my mom, which was my intention in the first place as a Mother's Day gift, and possibly give one as well to my cousin and husband as a 'baby welcoming party' present in a few weeks.  I'll keep you posted, promise.

My other frustration--ever since Jen got me connected with 4 other ladies in a 'small group' for connecting and writing, I've been constantly comparing my blog to theirs, what I say, what they post, what we have in common/what we don't, etc.  Oh and I'm so good at it too!  I'm 32 years old, married, no kids yet, work full time on my feet, DO NOT own a copy of Anne Voskamp's book (and may not ever just because I have to many other books I need to read first), don't have an extra 8 hours to blog every day...don't type in a special "Christian-nese" that every one else speaks...don't...can't...oh shut up already. I emailed my frustrations to Jennifer.  She tells me I have to fight back and that's what I'm doing. 

So here I am fighting back and typing like a mad woman because I'm tired of not feeding my creativity and passion for writing just because I'm screaming "If I read one more stinkin' thing about "One Thousand Things"!!  It's with SO many other things, my love for working in the dirt, in our yard, with my very happy and flourishing veggie/fruit/herb container garden, mowing the lawn even.  Organizing, cleaning, creating new things to display in our house, a picture frame, a piece of furniture, a painted wall, a well-scrubbed driveway almost 80% free of moss.  Sweating--working out, moving my body, doing a Biggest loser DVD workout, with yoga, cardio and dancing! I love it! How about spending GOOD quality time with my husband, I mean like actual conversations about deep, meaningful, spiritual stuff.  Not just common surfacy, shallow stuff.  Give me some meat.

There's getting our finances together, paying off our debts, staying disciplined. And church...oh church.  You could call us 'regulars if being regular is attending ever 2-3 weeks.  We are very regular with that.  What about every Sunday, that would be awesome.  And reading my bible, which I don't do on a daily basis and never have really.  I started reading through Ephesians, and Philippians and there's SO much good stuff...I want do a post just on all the favorite verses so far that I've read, too many to choose from! 

There's so many things that we fight for and so many things we give into.  Our flesh, the easy way out, laziness, selfishness, 'I'll get to it tomorrow/next weekend/next year' kind of thinking.  You know the wonderful rush of adrenaline, fulfillment of being satisfied, your soul is singing praises of thankfulness for getting a job/project/task done that's been gnawing at you for a very long time. You know that feeling I'm talking about and it's so wonderful.  I want more of that all the time.  You feel like you're seriously thriving, and not just getting by and pushing and wading through the mucky waters of life.  The enemy doesn't like it when you're thriving, he wants you to stay stuck, keep believing his lies and continue to muck around. The devil is winning and I'm tired of it. 

I want start to seriously saying yes to more life-giving, edifying, spiritually heavy and healthy things and no to stupid satan.  Every time I get a negative thought, idea or lie I'm going to knock it down with the truths that I know.  Before my married days, I was dealing with a very yucky secret that I tried battling on my own without much help from anyone else and failed until God took hold of me.  I had a index card taped to my computer monitor that I had written in marker "Note to self: Do not forget the following, I'm a woman of worth, a child of God, a woman of value, and I deserve the BEST ALWAYS!"  Reading that worked, most of the time, but other times I ignored it.  I want to stop ignoring what I know to be true and what is right and start fighting back. 

How about you?

2 Corinthians 10:3-6
"The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity." The Message

Still fighting back with these sisters...

What kind of sourdough are you?

So you take these following smells: (I apologize to the non-Pac. Northwesterners in advance that don't get it) the "Aroma of Tacoma", the sewage plant smell in Renton that you smell as you're driving west on 405 towards Southcenter, "cow farm" smells, the most stinkiest possible cheese you could ever imagine, some really horrible flatulence, and ummm...baby poop...combine all that and you might possibly have the 'yeasty aroma' of Sourdough bread starter. 

Have you ever made sourdough starter (i.e. the beginnings of sourdough bread) at home? The smell is horrid, absolutely horrid, but the most amazing thing is how it makes the most amazing bread, the bread that I absolutely LOVE. It just has to go through many processes to get to the most delicious, finished state.  For 7 days you have to take a cup out of the starter and replace it with 1/2 c. water and 1/2 c. flour and stir, without fainting or vomiting.  It's almost like pancake batter, with a almost alien-like spongy, bubbly texture. 

Just like us, we go through a lot of stinky transitions, processes, learning curves, opportunities and slowly and sometimes painfully, we get transformed into a warm, crusty, nice thick slice of bread with some butter and jam smeared all over yourself.  Or maybe you're a big bread bowl with some steamy clam chowder ladled into the middle, or a delicious grilled cheese sandwich with some extra sharp cheddar, or a cold BLT with avocado and mayonnaise.  Or French toast, soft, warm, eggy crust, with maple syrup, powdered sugar, maybe some strawberries and whipped cream? Oh the possibilities... 

Thoughts?

The Word, have you heard?

2 Corinthians 6:3-13 (NIV)

“As God’s co-workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain.

For he says,

“In the time of my favor I heard you,
  and in the day of salvation I helped you.”

I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.

 We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited.

 

Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: 
                                                              in great endurance;

in troubles, hardships and distresses;

in beatings, imprisonments and riots;

in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger;

in purity, understanding, patience and kindness;

                                                          in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love;
                        in truthful speech and in the power of God;

            with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left;
                                              through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report;

        genuine, yet regarded as impostors;

                                 known, yet regarded as unknown;

                                                                        dying, and yet we live on;
                                                     beaten, and yet not killed;

      sorrowful, yet always rejoicing;

                                            poor, yet making many rich;

                                        having nothing, and yet possessing everything.”

Always a 'to do...'

Every day, off and on, there's always a list of things to do in some way and capacity. Phone calls to make, bills to pay, getting a question answered, either online, by email, through someone. There's brainstorms and ideas and 'hypotheticals' for all sorts of aspects of life. For example, I still need to find a new dentist, call about getting our security system hooked up but they're not there later than 2:30pm Pacific time, following up with my L&I claim for my still numb fingers on my left hand, getting some estimates/bids on landscaping jobs for our backyard, paying our mortgage, looking up some low-carb dinner ideas...it's never ending. All these small chores make life a little more interesting and after I've completely each one I feel like I got more room in my brain for something else, know what I mean? :)

 

Getting Connected here... 

Redeeming the Past

Recently I had a online conversation with one of my 'virtual' friends, Tina, a married Christian mom that I've never met.  She's been very encouraging towards me every time I've talked/asked her about life issues every time I've needed it.   I talked with her about the new movie "Bully" that came out in theaters about several stories of young teens and their struggles with bullying in school and how they're dealing with it.  Seeing the previews and stories of these kids lives seriously struck a chord with me because I was a victim of being bullied when I was fairly young (mainly 6th-8th grade).  Tina let me vent to her about my issues and what I went through and was able to share some very insightful and BIBLICAL examples and now I feel and see thing a lot differently.  If you can relate maybe these words will be encouraging to you too, and mom, PLEASE don't feel bad.  God has taken all this garbage from the past and wiped it clean, he's given me a new life, new chances and a HOPE to redeem the situation.  He is a BIG God that has covered all those sins with his blood, shown us there is another way and continues to show us to how to be more like HIM  because of it.  That's what I've learned so far.  Read and be blessed!

"Ezekiel was asked to prophecy to the Jews that had been taken into captivity. He was told they wouldn't listen. At times he had to lay on just one side for hundreds of days at a time. When his wife died he was told not to grieve. He did all these things to tell God's message to his people, but his life must have been miserable.

Abraham was told to wander in tents in a land not his own. John the Baptist came for the purpose to prepare the way for Jesus and as soon as his work was done he was killed by Herod. Joseph was sold by his own brothers and was a slave and was put in prison - it was to eventually bring the jews into Egypt to make them a nation, but he didn't know that at the time. There are so many others! God has his people to do hard things, but not because he doesn't care. He does care which is why he allowed his son to suffer so much for our sake.

We are told we will suffer as Christians. The apostle Paul suffered greatly for the cause of Christ. I realize suffering because we are doing what God wants us to do is not the same as being bullied, but my point is that God cares, even though he allows suffering.  So, we know God allows suffering for his sake and he also allows innocent people to suffer numerous things. If things were perfect here, we'd never seek God or desire God. This temporary place is not what is all about and we long for something better!

You've grown up, you wear cute clothes and pluck you eyebrows and put conditioner on your hair - and so what if you didn't? You have a husband you are crazy about and you love your family. I would say you weren't crushed by the torment you received. You know there is so much more to life here and the here after! Because of what you've been through, you can be more sympathetic to people who are a little different, you can care for those who have no voice. When you raise your own kids, you'll teach them the same thing. You will also teach them that God and the hope we have in Christ is what fills us. Others may hurt us, but they cannot snatch us from the hand of God, the only thing that really matters!


I am sorry for the pain that has been dredged up with this movie. You may choose not to see it. It is good to address things from our past - it makes us stronger for our future.

You are so right about parents and church leaders may have not prepared you for the harsh realities of life, but they were only trying to protect you. We all hope that the next generation will be different and not have to experience the pain. It may have ended up being neglectful,but the motives weren't bad.

Hugs to you, Leah. I know you can work through this!"

Here is a link to the website for the Bully movie if you're interested in seeing it:

  
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Getting connected through here...

 

There's Always a Reason

 It's now March and February just seemed to blow by.  This past month I've been finding myself constantly waiting on things to happen and be done with so I can move onto something else.  That's why I haven't posted in over a month.  I keep telling myself, "Just wait till the house is clean, you've checked everything you possibly can on the internet and your brain is free to think and then you can type up something eye-opening and honest."  Well I can't keep waiting because none one of those things are going to happen at the same exact time, I just have to seize the 10 minutes I have to type and go.  So here I'm going, because all the things I'm waiting on, house projects, life projects, and job-changing projects are not in the current right now.  There's also trying to get some sort of sliver of motivation to work out in same way, shape or form.  You'd think that just because we bought ourselves a treadmill, weight bench set, workout games on the Xbox or Wii, a yoga ball, and have a good chunk of time in the afternoon before I pick up Billy from the bus station...well it's just not happening.  I've considered getting up possibly 45 minutes earlier in the mornings to get on the treadmill or put in a DVD to workout to, that would really be the best solution.  That way I could get my metabolism ramped up, be ready for my day and not have to worry and beat myself up later if I didn't work out.  It could just be DONE.  That would be so wonderful. 

There's always a reason why we have to wait on things, there's no instant gratification, you have to be patient, God is teaching you something that you can't see right now.  He's putting it together like a beautiful orchestration of moments and bits of information all for a reason.  Maybe just to teach you patience, because you need that.  Maybe He's working at chipping away all the rough edges of your life that you need to get rid of.  Don't be anxious, don't keep saying 'If only this/that/I could/they would/I wish/let me figure this out really quick..."  Just do what's in front of you and live and be in the moment.

House, future baby, job, health and God, each other.  In no particular order.  Now go and just be. 

One of the Most Amazing Things

Truly one of the most beautiful and amazing things that God created, Yosemite National Park, is seen here in this time-lapse photography video put together by several very talented people.  It starts slow at first, but at about 2mins30secs...wait for it...the music crescendos and you'll get goosebumps. I recommend you put this on full screen to watch it and not have anything going on in the background so it won't skip.

Yosemite HD from Project Yosemite on Vimeo.


I have very sweet and happy memories of spending many summers here with my family while growing up in California...

My dad (yes, that's him, can't you tell?) was driving through Yosemite Valley before I was born circa 197?...

 These memories include: driving through the hollowed-out redwoods, riding our bikes and feeding the deer in Yosemite Valley, camping in tents or in the "housekeeping" cabins, swimming in the clear, cold water of the Merced River and basking on the granite rocks in the summer heat, fishing with family and friends for trout and bass...

 Yep, that's me holding a dead fish, I think age 9 (yes, I really was once THAT tan.)

...Attending a very fun and memorable family reunion for my mom's side of the family (eating bean dip and fritos while sitting on beach blanket after swimming with my cousins and brother), wondering through Curry Village and seeing where and how the Native Americans lived in replicas of traditional huts. Standing in awe at the bottom of a waterfall and seeing the power and force of it, feeling the stinging spray on my hands and face.  Dreaming of one day your family affording to stay just ONE night at the Awanhee Hotel and seeing what it was like.  In the winter, drudging up to the top of a hill, feet and legs pushing through waist-height snow only to finally race down the hill while sitting on a thin plastic disk while getting a major adrenaline rush...I could keep going.  There is truly nothing like being there.  I hope someday to return with my family and share some many more wonderful memories!   

Riding in the back of my uncle Alex and aunt Pam's VW Van with my cousins, brother and mom, traveling to/from Yosemite 1988.  Love our expressions, especially Aaron's :)

Oh yikes!

Frozen berries on our hawthorn tree and the neighbors garage last Thursday during the deep freeze in western WA.

Alright, you made me do it.  I HAVE to blog NOW.  I just discovered this by making a comment on my mother's newly put-together blog that MY blog is in dire need of an update :)  Well here it is.  It's 2012, January 23rd.  We're still living in the same amazing, wonderful house in Tacoma, still working at the same jobs (Harbor Lights for me and Girvin for William).  Been attending a wonderfully new and exciting church called Destiny City Church here in Tacoma and loving it.  God has been very good to us, throughout all the craziness and busy-ness of life, through our jobs, home-making, relationally, financially, most recently birthdays, holidays, 4 Christmases, travel, SNOW and ICE and WIND...and...and...

For the new year I can finally say that we are finally trying officially to start a family.  Being married for five years and counting, I thought we would've had 2 kids by now (I thought that when we got married).  Right :)  Well I can also finally say I'm SO happy that hasn't happened yet.  Just looking back and taking stock in all the things we have accomplished as listed above, as well including road trips/travel, endless home projects,  five years only feels literally like a breath.  Five years feels like we've barely scratched the surface of really knowing what it's like to be married and live life as a married person.  I just feel like I've been together with my best friend who loves me very much and I get to do fun things with :)  Make a home, be in love, make a family, share things, make decisions, create things, understand yourself in ways that you would've never known unless you were married.  As well we also get to learn many lessons along the way of how God is never-ending in his forgiveness, grace, provision, faithfulness, truth and creativity...and...and...

As always we are always striving for more.  Our quest to find the almost-perfect church has been completed, only took us about five years and what felt like 7 churches.  Like I said earlier, it is very wonderful.  We went for the first time last Easter and it was almost a no-brainer on whether or not it was a good fit.  Non-denominational? Check. Fairly close to our house? Check.  Encouraging and energetic worship and preaching? Check.  Seriously friendly pastor and people? Check. Good amount of ministry opps? Check.  God has had his hand on this all the way, and the most amazing part of it was that my husband was the one to say something about checking it out.  Until then I had been the one always to instigate the idea of checking out this new church I heard about, read about, checked out the sermon online, etc.  But I really needed to let my husband lead and be the one to be interested first and take the initiative to go there or else it I KNOW it wouldn't have been important to him.  So for now, we just make it a goal to get to service FIRST, that's the biggest challenge.  Then, there will be greater chances of us naturally getting to know more people by doing more 'during the week things' like bible studies and retreats, etc.  I'm excited for what God will do.

Look at that, I actually typed 4 paragraphs.  Maybe it was reading my mom's blog that got a little jolt in me to type again or the fact I actually have been reading a lot more.  Actually I have about 4 books right now that I have been randomly been reading.  I believe you read more and you'll be more inclined to write more, its like this reciprocating energy.  Ya know? Makes sense to me. I have ALWAYS been irking myself to get a blog going on a consistent basis, it is the 'thing' to do it seems, for the past, well now, 10-ish something years that I started journaling everything.  So now, who knows.  Maybe I'll come back to this in another 3 years or 3 days, gotta keep my brain and my hand moving or the need to express myself somehow will fester.  I have a lot more in my brain to share about upcoming ideas, dreams, thoughts, struggles, happiness's, projects, travels, memories, verses, maybe even some pictures in between. For now here is a wonderful 'quote' that I copied from another Leah that I vicariously know through my mother.  Enjoy and Amen.

 

"Others may do a greater work,

But you have your part to do;

And no one in all God’s family

Can do it as well as you."

P.S. I've updated my blogs I follow list and possibly other things. Look around.

Breaking news!

After renting for the last 10 years (single and being married) my husband and I having finally bought a house. It's a 3 bed/1.75 bath, 1,920 sq. ft, 2 story, built in 1951, new windows, paint, countertops, cabinets, fixtures, everything really...3 FIREPLACES! Fenced backyard with FULL SUN (gardening here I come!), comes with ALL appliances (no more hand-washing dishes or picking for quarters to do the laundry, also with a GAS stove). It's one block off of 6th Ave in North Tacoma, very convenient to everything. The seller is a little old widowed lady that's been there for 30 years and is now moving out to be with her family. We made an offer for 5k less, with an amazing interest rate...the owner had another offer from someone in cash, for less, but she still PICKED US! Thank you Jesus!

The closing date is January 8, 2009 so that gives us just enough time to get through the holidays, give our landlord 20 days notice, pack, move and get settled. The new place is less than 3 miles away, so the move will be very minimal, and the great thing is we probably only have enough furniture to fill 2 rooms plus the family room :) We had/have been praying for the right thing to happen (whatever God decides we'll be okay with) and thankfully God had that house picked out especially for us :) At least I'd like to think so, and the whole process has been so easy, we have a great realtor and mortgage advisor working with us.

Go to the link for more info and pics :)

William and Leah's new house

Favorite Kitchens

This is a picture of half of the kitchen that I used to cook and eat in, at my old studio apartment in Renton during my pre-marriage days :) The landlord had installed the black and white tiled floor which I loved because as you can see a lot of my decor matched perfectly to it.


This is my current kitchen in our apartment in Tacoma. It is pretty small, really only one person (that's me) can cook in here at a time. I love the gas stove, but not the fact that there's not hood or vent! I usually have to put a window fan up on the windowsill to blow all the fumes out of the kitchen. I do like cooking in here, but I do look forward to having a much bigger kitchen in a real house in the near future.

Verse of the moment

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Don't push me cuz I'm close to the edge...

William says I need to find something to be more productive while sitting in coffee shops with him and he's drawing. There's been this constant force I feel that I'm fighting while sitting here passing time, not being productive, and I really, really want to break through that. You'd think that after a week of 40 hours standing on my feet in a kitchen, that I wouldn't mind sitting and being still. But in that fact, being in constant motion, production and action, my body simply won't let me be still.

The effects of snow

I sit here, on my Friday off from work, dabbling away in things not too important. Laundry, coloring differing shades of sunset colors on white paper, staring outside on our backyard view of the snow, a bright, clear blue sky overhead. I wait endlessly impatient, anxious for 'the' phone call that will get me excited again. I wait for a new job, possibly in the kitchen, working back in my roots, the things I have great passion and interest in. I miss it terribly, it's hard not feeling like you're doing anything majorly productive. You help in your home, you help your husband get out of bed, complaining of his stiff neck and tiredness. You're not use to all this 'non-work' work. But it's okay, this is what God is calling you to be and become. A housewife possibly, but not your average. With no children in tow, you keep yourself as busy as you can be.

There is a black cat named Trouble sitting on the window pane, observing the wildlife outside, flitting a bit about in the snow. He's your only company right now, he's good to talk to and a smart cat. He's incredibly affectionate but very fiesty too. He will jump and claw at your legs as you walk past him. As well, sit on your chest while you lay in bed, staring lovingly into your eyes.

Earlier, my husband trekked out onto the icy and snowy ground, careful not to slip like he did last night, giving him a small case of whiplash. Yelling another "I love you!" I stood in the doorway, watching him, going farther away into the unbearable cold. Destination: bus stop, then to work, to make us a living, treading away at endless design and graphic logos.

William does things that I would never be able to attempt. He's a thinker and a dreamer, he can see beyond many possibilities. He pushes you to love on others and strives for furthering the kingdom of God. He shares compliments of praise and adoration towards me at the time I need to hear it the most. He needs encouragement and support while he's making positive life changes. I too am trying hard to make a change in my lifestyle and health. We look forward to the summer, possible vacations together, basking in the sun, away from the snow, away from the cold.

On Food:

Making a 'healthy' version of quiche later, with egg beaters, spinach, onions, frozen peppers, turkey bacon, a little milk, seasonings and a very very small dash of parmesan cheese in the green can :) Later...grilled salmon on the 'doesn't get enough credit for the awesome things it can do' George Foreman grill and possibly some brown rice cooked in chix stock. Nummers!